-- Post From Paige's iPhone
Nov 9, 2009
Crying it out
This past week I have noticed that Lane has become very aware of me and crying when she doesn't fall asleep in my arms. I always said that if she's changed, fed, burped, and warm I would let try to let her cry herself to sleep if I knew she was tired. Easier said than done.
I tried it today after I knew she was sleepy. I had been holding her for awhile and she was pretty much asleep but not in a deep sleep but every time I put her down even if I'm in sight, if she's tired she needs me to hold her to go to sleep now. This just developed this past week. Before she would go in the swing drowsy and just fall asleep.
So I decided 10 minutes was a reasonable amount of time before I checked in her. I put her in her crib go in my room shut the door so I can't hear and wait. I come out to quiet so I go in and peek without her seeing me and she's awake but hasn't even started crying and her eyes looked sleepy so it seemed promising. I waited a few minutes then I heard her start. I gave it 10 minutes from that point. She screamed for 13 solid minutes before I said okay enough is enough. I picked her up and she immediately stopped. I comforted her and she fell asleep in my arms about 5 minutes later. So my plan is to let her cry a little when she's just exhausted but I will come in to comfort her if it's over ten minutes and my theory is that she will learn I'm still there and coming back and it's okay to not fall asleep in my arms. The thing is, I noticed a pattern for a whole week of her needing to be held by me for at least 15-20 minutes to fall into a deep sleep. I think that's a little to needy especially if I'm still in her sight. What do all the moms think and be honest it won't hurt my feelings. I'm just trying to do what's best for her without her getting to the point where she will only fall asleep with me holding her and nobody else...not even Gerald. Yesterday, it had to be me not even him. Before I picked her up and immediately after. Comments please.
-- Post From Paige's iPhone
-- Post From Paige's iPhone
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7 comments:
Poor baby girl!! Our doctor told us that 20 minutes was a good limit. We would feed Daniel, change his diaper, them put him down in the crib. The first night, he cried a solid 18 minutes...I had to go shower so I couldn't hear! The next night was a little less, and so on until we could just lay him down, tell him good night, and he would fall asleep. And he is still really good about going to sleep. It's hard at first, but it is soooo worth it. They learn that they are safe in their crib, and mommy is going to come back.
You're brave opening this can of worms! This is a BIG debate for all moms that will never be resolved. You do what feels right in your heart. You're a great mommy. If you want my thoughts on the matter, we'll talk.
This is a big debate and every baby is so different. My suggestion is to put her down for bed after she is fed, changed, burped, and loved on for a bit. I think it is good for them to not be completely asleep when they go down because it teaches them to be self soothers (not that they don't or won't need their mommies any longer cause they always will.) If you know she is fine let cry for several minutes and then go check on her by rubbing her belly to let her know you're still there, but not picking her up. Then wait a few more minutes and repeat the quick belly rub or pat just to let her know you're close by.
I am by no means an expert, but i have two kids and have tried two methods. I can tell you without a doubt that i like this method i described here a lot better than the extreme attachment dakota formed with bedtime routine.
love ya! let me know how whatever you try works out.
Okay, I observed myself tonight, and this is what I do. First, I try to just put Afton down with her usual comforts: full belly, bath, pjs, paci, box fan, and her swaddling blanket. If she's content, she'll turn her head to the side and go to sleep. If not, she'll cry when she loses sight of me. Then I'll give her a couple of minutes and I'll go back and put her paci back in, talk/sing to her and see if that helps. If she's still upset after that, I wait it out a little bit, then I go pick her up and check if she needs to burp again or toot. I'll hold her until she calms down and try putting her down again. If she's still upset after all of that, I hold her until she falls asleep. Normally, she's good the first round, but she's teething sometimes, or really gassy, or had an overstimulating day, so I adjust to her needs. I hope this helps. It sounds a lot like what Robin said.
Well, this is what worked for CALYN:
Bedtime routine: Bath, bottle, dim lighting. Once she was sleepy, I would put her down and give her a time limit of 20-25 minutes. She actually never made it to the time limit, so I didn't have to go in to her. I think Robin is right about the don't pick her up. Just pat her belly and rub her head or something and leave again for round two. Calyn's crying got shorter and shorter each night. I read that once they hit 12 pounds, they're big enough to NOT be fed during the night and sleep all the way through. Once she did that, if she woke up crying in the middle of the night, I gave her another 20 minutes before I went in. Two nights of that and she stopped waking in the middle of the night. She KNEW I wasn't going to pick her up, so she gave up. I never put her in bed with us either. BEST THING EVER. She's only slept with us maybe three times or so. And that's when she's been sick or we had people in the house and I needed her to be quiet. And, as you know, Calyn is the best sleeper ever. It seriously takes minutes, if not seconds, to get her in bed for the night. Now, if this works for Logan, we'll see. But I have tougher "mommy" skin this time around. I KNOW that crying won't hurt him and that I'm not emotionally scarring him for life. Calyn is no worse for the wear and is a happy girl. She doesn't resent me or feel less loved because I let her "cry it out". If anything, it's made her independent and confident. She knows how to comfort herself. And, I made it through infanthood with my sanity;)
Here's my two cents....whatever you choose always be consistent! Then Lane will learn what to expect. What worked for us was once the kids were comfortable (changed, fed, cuddled, etc) we would let them cry it out for ten minutes at a time. After ten minutes I would come pat them and let them know they are okay. But I never removed them from their crib. It usually never took more than 30 minutes for them to either sleep or rest calmly. I read that this method helps babies to feel secure and learn to soothe themselves to sleep. Good luck!!
My mom has always told me to do basically what Robin said...just to reassure them that you are still there and they are fine but you won't immediately pick them up. I'm loving reading all of these comments! They are going to be so helpful! Hopefully I can be successful at this! Hang in there, you will know what to do!
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